Uranium235's Empire Crumbles

In the news today, the leader of the Cult of Gray, non-other than Gray himself, has been reported to have lead a massive raid on U235's massive Ubercrack supply in Fort Smack, New Jersey. A letter was left at the scene after the angry mob had left, and it reads as follows...

We will not be denied Ubercrack! Just because I have custody over BSR and can get all the Ubersmack I want doesn't mean anything! We want all things Uber, and we will not stop until we have it all! Don't try to stop us, don't try to get in our way or slow us up, and certainly don't dare to be a flaming m0r0n! Otherwise I will introduce you to Jesus...


Now die and rot in Hades, or something,

We are currently waiting on a response from U235. How such a turn of events could have happened is unknown as the Cult of Gray has always been on good relations with U235 is his mad hacking dolphin legions of the ocean, but we might yet see another crisis develop as Gray is hell bent on taking over "All Things Uber".

This just in...

Live from the ocean-front off of U235's multi-billion dollar estate, U235 is expected to make a statement shortly. Mobs of Cultists have surrounded the place but are held in check by a legion of the Crustacean Police, with many lobsters clubbing the Cultists and even arresting the more violent of the mob. I can now see another group trying to make a push through the gate, and it doesn't look pretty as many vials of Ubersmack, Uberw33d, and even rare Uberfoodage are being through at the Police, and they see to be coming under the influence even now.

How U235 can hope to calm this angry group I don't know, it seems that only more violence can come from this. President of UberNation, Screamer, who has refused to comment, has none the less been seen making O_o faces at any passing by members of the Cult, who in turn yell back "m0r0n!" at every given chance.

Only time can tell what will become of these events...

Uraniun235 reacted with outrage. He punched his monitor repeatedly, then started swearing. He then went out to meet the croWd.

"Gray, you filthy son of a biatch. I would have been more than happy to share, but this ludicrously blatant theft is too much for me to handle. You got trouble, punk, cuz it's GO TIME!"

At this point, all monitors, radios, and computers in the area, and indeed apparently all around the world, began to display massive amounts of dolphin pornography. Every bit of bandwidth on all channels and frequencies, save for this news network, have been flooded with dolphin porn. Even printing presses with any computer components have been hacked, resulting in nothing but mass amounts of printed pr0n. The world's economic and military powers have ground to a halt.

On a side note, ATRCaptainKirk was seen running from his home screaming. He was put in a hospital bed, where a deaf nurse made the mistake of absent-mindedly turning on the TV and leaving. ATRCaptainKirk is in serious condition after a massive stroke.

In addition, U235 unleashed his mighty nuclear arsenal once more. Multiple nuclear detonations have been reported in Minnesota, reducing it once again to the World's Largest Parking Lot, and in Japan. Uraniun235 defended the Nippon attack by citing "organizations whose goals could eventually prove detrimental to my own" and "giant death robots with flashy seizure lazers".

LasSat-3, hijacked by U235 and his legions of dolphin hackers, has once again been activated, burning the words "Proud Member of NAMBLA" into Jesus the Spider's back.

Suddenly, the comms channels cleared for a moment. Then, U235's face appeared, delivering a message.

"Gray, I tolerated it when that hedgehog you blew up came down and scratched my Delorean. I would have even tolerated some small-scale theft. But a raid on my main supply is unacceptable. It's not over, flour, and when I'm through with you, you'll feel like you were just masturbating with sandpaper laced with Icy Hot and set on fire."

And now for our regularly scheduled programming. *smirk*"

At that point the dolphin pornography once more filled the comms.

Molloy, a long time retailer of UberCrak, Uberw33d, UberSmack and other assorted Uber produce, has decided to terminate his business relationship with U235. Yesterday he released a statement:

"Times are changing and I have seen nothing in the past few months to suggest Uranium is in control of the current market place. I'm happy to announce that our offices in Minnesota have not been affected, although my Delorian was destroyed in the blast. I would like to announce that all future transactions within the UberCrack Shack Corporation will be carried out in conjunction with Gray, our new supplier as he is now undoubtably the man in charge.

-Alah is on his side."

In somewhat related news ATRCaptainKirk has suddenly become one of the greatest single UberCrack users. When we asked him for comment all he said was:

"I need to.. forget... to forget!..."




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