You guys who frequent the IRC might have heard of this
fellow before - but I decided to bring him to you at
Basically, timepie is a running story, with a line
every post - which tells the tale of:
Timepie: The crime-fighting, Time-travelling
against his arch enemy Dr almostevil!
One day timepie went down to his 'pie cave' and met up
with his sidekick, igor, then they...
The rest is up to you guys...
2) looked at eachother, and realized how queer their
costumes looked. They then proceded to ...
(This has the potential to get WAYYYY outa control )
3) ...Discuss over some toast their plans for the day
to have a large unmoveable tasty...
Robot hamster that they inserted up each others
punts, yes i said punts, a small tubular bazooka like
weapon. then they preceeded to shout...
Armageddon!. Then they mopped each others brows with
Thong, taken from toastys underwear draw. then they
jumped into the fruit mobile and...
Igor shouted Ahh because he landed on the gear stick
causing Time pie to be covered in...
Grease, after igors screams caused him to fall into
the engine. they finally got themselves together and
zoomed out of the garage door..
In to the sex shop across the road and Time pie then
said to the owner...
my god! you could hang a coat on that!!!!!
they proceeded to.....
To join the fun until...
targit arrived, with his..
pet corgies jumping for his.....
Bone. Then they jumped back in the car with there
trousers around there...
Gear sticks, (how that worked don't ask me) they
finally left the sex shop saying...
I feel like I've left a little part of behind at the
sex shop. They then made there way to...
the public toilets where they saw an old man with a
long greasy beard who said to them....
"Timepie - I have been expecting you. They call me
Proffesor Kipling, maker of extraudinarily good pies.
I have a mission for you, timepie. A mission that will
test your groin - I mean mental powers to the limits.
Go into the time-travelling cubical and pull the flush
- that will give you the power you seek"
So timepie and Igor went into the cubical and pulled
the flush, only to hear the old man say...
Only to find the rangy b*gger is still following them.
Igor quickly hits him over the head with his
'truncheon' and the duo make a quick escape. or they
would if they had filled the car with petrol at the
They then procedded to push the car to the...
the nearest crossroads and left the car in the middle
of it. They spied the ...
Nudist’s police station was having its annual sausage
fry up so time pie and Igor made there way to the
station inside they…
discussed the shapes of all the sausages. igor said
'god! look at that 1, it looks like a ....
A profile of Nospammas!!!. After having a good nibble
on the the chief constable's sausage they...
they then thought that they would try the local
delicasey of sausage with....
Squirty cream. Then they...
both wiped away their sticky white mustaches and
headed to the nearest gas
...station and took off their pants, tied the legs off
at the cuff and filled up their pants with gas. They
they proceded to the cross the road where they left
they were now stuck with the problem of how to get the
gas into the car....
which igor promptly solved by sticking his head into
his gasoline filled pants, sucking some into his mouth
then he passed it t time pie who...
accidently swallowed it. Igor started laughing and
swallowed his own mouthful. They then both...
attempted to give the car energy by farting into the
...He learned the hard way that farting into a petrol
tank charged with static when you have ingested 2
litres of petrol is NOT a good idea. There was a huge
a single car stopped to pick up Igors wallet that he
dropped before driving on again (must be from new
york...). Timepie then got up and...
they were both blown over the hedge and into a muck heap.
They Poked their heads over the hedge to see a
smoking wasted car!
Igor stopped, turned to timepie, looked at him
thoughtfully for a minute, then said...
Monkey x 10²³!. Then they got out of the muck only to
find they where in the middle of a mud wrestling
competition so they...
Decided that it counted at buisness expense -so they
decided to stay for some mudfilled excitment...
Coverd in mud and with big grins they waved good bye
to the young girls and the old man spieing on them
with his binoculars then they caught a lift with a...
Travelling circus. After much deliberation they decide
the fire act due to the large volume of gas they keep
made a bargin with the ring master. If they did 1
show, and lived, then the Ringmaster would take them
wherever they needed to go that the circus went. That
night, they started their act and...
there first act was a great success. exept for the
part were igor set fire to the big top.
the ringmaster, being a man of his word, took them
wherever they wanted to go, despite having to buy a
new tent. They decided to go....
as far away from target as possible, if possible
somewhere where targit wouldn't even dare to search.
They deceided, when they reached baths'r'us that they
had made a stupid mess of that gift. After a romantic
bath together Timepie and Igor...
Realized that they did not need to make the bubbles
them self’s in the Jacuzzi. The smell was terrible.
suddenly realised that a fruit pie is missing several
necassary bodyparts. Igor pointed out that he was more
like a sausage pie...
all of a sudden a hungry badger burst into the bath
house attracted by time pies sausage they jumped out
of the bath and Igor heroically…
considered his options. He could A)abuse the badger in
several arcane ways or B)run off. Igor decided to take
option (c) Eat the badger.
After his indigestion wore off he...
He broke wind so violently it caused a rip in the
space time continuum and they where sucked into
a black hole.
Igor looked at timepie and said......
"What the hell'd you do now!" Timepie looked over at
Igor and said...
"i caused a pan-dimetonal shift in the space time
contium with a value of x=20 to the power of 97. y=x
time 3x to the power of TAngent. z=y+x Times 4.1579543
to the power of 42"
Igor reply with "Gay???"
Timepie walked away from igor shaking his head. He
turned to him and said "We're lost! Happy now?"
Igor thought a moment, took in this new information,
then said quietly...
"why don't we ask for directions of that man with the
"Well well well" proffesor Kipling said "we meet
again. I'd like to give you your mission. You must..."
Figure out how the hell I'm supposed to cut this
It took a moment before Timepie and Igor figured out
he was talking about his beard.
began their epic quest for the golden beard cutter
(scissors) of LardWorld! They walked through the
timetravelling cubicle accompanied by the shouts of
Kipling "Watch your backs! Trust no-one! Wrap up
They left the dimension of sausagegobblers and
the mens bathroom to discharge once more before they
begin their quest.
set off through the portal - like a second class
B-Movie the weird lights flashed and strobed. Until
Kipling realised he'd left his lava lamp plugged in.
They stepped out of the portal and into...
A shopping Mall!!!
Then they realised it was a catalogue. A shopping
cataloge. Selling what looked like TORTURE DEVICES!!!
Then they read on to find out that it was actually an
S&M catalogue in a doctors waiting room. They got up
and left through the...
womans butt-hole and arrived in what could only be
described as soup, brown soup with large floating
brown boats in. Igor looked at timepie and said...
said "how the hell did we get up here? The only person
around was ... Mr ...Kipling
They retreated quickly, apologising profusily and left
by the door...
Igor looked at Timepie, and said "I don't get paid
enough for this."
His words were echoed from across what seemed to be a
large room. Timepie looked over to see where the echo
came from, only to see...
the duo were in a large dome, that had white walls and
a strange floor which seemed to be made of some sort
of pink egg shell substance. They appeared to be
OK.. we'll leave it at that :). You get the idea :P.