12/05/02 - TA & News? Just can't combine the two - Okram

Sure, lots of places have news, and many places have TA (although many more have T&A), but what is the problem of combining the two?

Certainly, a web page by the name of "TA: News" ought to deliver, but TAN.net just seems to be falling short.

"Isn't it ironic," commented a TAU forum goer earlier today, "that TAN can't seem to put TA with N, rather it lacks almost completly in both aspects."

And many TA'ers out there would probably agree. TAN, although extremly new, seems to be having baby blues, as they are unable to attract a large forum group, nor a collection of good hosted sites, and further more, they are unable to raise a decent sized anti-Peter Army.

But many places have had humble beginings, even TAU started out as a small site overshadowed by the once giant Annihilated. "I suggest not mocking us," TAN News poster Quantum happily commented for us. "You may end up working for us in the future."

Although not likely, we at the UCS do not feel it a necesity to mock TAN at this time. However after signing our 5 year contract with TAU in June, we believe we will be well ready to mock TAN, as well as PA as much as we like.

10/05/02 - Mad Driver Wrecks Havoc - Okram

A little past twelve thirty this after noon, a Jeffy was seen peeling out of Arm Home Guard Office 1138, recklessly pealing out onto city streets. It quickly barreled down the tight streets of the downtown capitol, catching local commuters as well as law enforcement officials off guards.

Civilian police units tried in veign to chase the suspect, only to be out ran, and out guned. Any vehicle that was able to get close recieved a quick shot by it's laser.

Luckily for police, however, the vehicle found it's self heading into the older side of the capitol. Hundreds of old Arm citizens where casually putting down the street, blocking traffic for miles. Helicopter trackers watched in horror as the enraged drive slowly blasted it's way through rows of oldsmobils and other ancient hover cars.

It's reduced pace allowed law enforcement personell to catch up with the intruder, and packed with more heavily equiped firepower of their military issue flash lag tanks, they where able to freeze the victom until they where able to capture the individual inside.

Later, sources found it was UCS's own Okram, who had just recieved his liscens, and wanted to go for a "ride around town". Luckily, UCS is armed with a legion of lawyers capable of giving any Arm government official nightmares for the rest of their short terms.

(Yes it's true, I've finally gotten out to get my liscens. Avoid the city streets in Phoenix =D)

06/05/02 - Protestation! - Okram

In the TAUBB a full forced riot broke out today, catching many off gaurd. At 3:78 pm UBB time a disturbance was found amassing in the TA:Revival Forum. The problem of the matter though, is they where the UCS forum goers.

"The place quickly errupted into violence," TA:Revival Forum Cop Dark Rain told us, "They started demanding what happened to the UCS forum, and who deleted all their posts, and than the spam... oh the spam! I tried to be reasonable with them and told them it was moved down one line with the coming in of a new forum, but those stuborn fools just would not believe me."

"Why should we believe him?" Raged Killfrenzy on the other end of the argument, "For months now, I've been able to find the UCS forum without even looking, and now, the horror! It's moved, for the second time in a month!"

Quickly the rioters overran the unequiped TA:Revival Forum, and the usual Revival Forum goers were promptly evacuated to the safe grounds of GD.

The riot however was short lived. Within a few minutes teams from TAU High Command began to subdue the rioters, and forcefully herded them to their correct location, one line down. However many believe that if another forum where to be added, officials will consider placing it under the UCS, in fears of further violence.

04/05/02 - Ctrl-D Strikes again... - Okram

The many TA'ers who often visited the popular web site Annihilated, find them selves victom to the infamouse ctrl-d, for the second time.

"This isn't constitutional!" Raged an angered BSR, who's UH development was cut short early saturday.

It turns out, someone on the Annihilated staff wass trying to select the whole web site (ctrl-a) to do a routine backup. But, after he pressed ctrl-a, his cat jumped on him, and his left forefinger slipped to ctrl-d. When he realised what happened, he flipped out, and rather then doing the sane thing of pressing ctrl-d again to de-activate the self destruction of the entire web page, he stared, frozen, unable to move. Currently, A.com spokesman are not willing to disclose the name of the individual who was responsable for the mess up.

Sadly, this is not the first time A.com has suffered a Ctrl-D disaster. A few years ago, the large sprawling site found it's self victom to a self destruction frenzy. Nicknamed Ctrl-D-Day, many ex-annihilated, now TAU forum goers remember those days far to well. When a many conversasions, spams, flames, and some preductional conversations where instantly cut short with a simple press of a button.

The reconstruction process of A.com took over a year, and many fear that some might not even attempt to rebuild A.com again. Annihilated officials have yet to comment on that, although most of annihilated's hosted staff are scrounging around for new homes, probably un-happy with their current circumstances.

02/05/02 - Sieging a Dungeon hazardus for your health - Okram

A study recently released by Arm R&D suggests doing certain activities while commanding an army can in fact be hazardus to your health.

Among the list includes doing such things while in the commander chair as eating steak, drinking coffee or other hot beverages, but on the top of their list was playing Dungeon Siege.

"This Game!" Commented head researcher Dr. Larence, "It's... dangerously addicting!"

It turns out, several arm commanders have already fell victom to the plague being nicknamed the DS problem. As they abandon paying attention to the battle field, and turn all attention to a small monitor in their commander suit, concentrating on a complexly addictive RPG.

"I just couldn't believe it," reported AK153890, "We are always sent in first to see what's in a base, and you know, the usual cannon fodder stuff. But all the defences, they whern't firing. The base's energy was reading -50,000! Turns out their so called leader was so bussy playing that game he forgot to build any energy production. We where able to just push through the base, and we actually where able to take in some kills before the rest of our attacking force came in!"

The embarased Arm High Command has sent out orders aboloshing DS from commander suits, however many commanders are contemplating leaving altogether, just so they can play some more DS.

More details when it arrives.

30/04/02 - Virtual Dreams Staff Goes Postal - Okram

Earlier today, several members of the VD staff have decided they've had enough. Tired of being rejected, ignored, and not to mention being made fun of due to their crawling rate of progress, they've decided to take arms.

"I just can't take it any more!" Group leader Don Megal shouted as he and his group rushed into an annihilated forum, armed with several un textured depleted uranium shotguns.

After several screams, and hundreds of shots, that where silenced, actually didn't have sound yet, the group left the forum in ruins, several casualties and wounded where every where. Emergency crews where able to quickly rush in, and heal those who where injured, while those who died respawned shortly after.

"Well I kinda understand their point now," commented a recently fragged Annihilated forum goer, "They have been doing some good work, and for the fact they've never seen each other before, the code is actually making quite some progress! I just hope they don't come back here after they code the engine to not allow respawns..."

Officials say, after taking out their agression, the group of 5 well armed men quickly returned to their complex at TAN. Sources say they will only give a slight reperandum to the offenders, and will try to cover their news a little bit better. Still some believe the group may soon target Tribes communities, who don't even know of the existance of the project.

(Yes it's true, I'm back, I'll try to keep theese up to at least two a week, possibly one every other day, but don't push me!)

28/04/02 - Teen Worried About Friend Who Tried UH - Molloy

ARVADA, Steve Vandervelt, 16, an Arvada High School honors student, expressed grave concern Tuesday for friend Todd Wolk, who experimented with UH at a LAN party the previous weekend. "They say UH's a 'gateway drug,'" Vandervelt told Wolk. "And even if it doesn't lead to cocaine and more serious stuff, doing UH can still really mess up your brain." Vandervelt offered to speak to Mrs. Logan, the school's health-ed teacher, on Wolk's behalf to get more information about the dangers of UH use.

The Words and Visuals have been updated. Annihilarity 13 and more!

15/04/02 - Design Tweak - Molloy

I fiddled about with the design so it works in 800x600 properly. Sorry it was messed up so much in the past. AMRAAM dug up a ton of classic threads and articles from the original Cavedog forums, Kamikaze wrote more 'Music to play TA by' and Screamer sent me a cool UH parody of The Raven. There's a new Annihilarity and a short from me and thats pretty much it this week. Please send in anything at all - contributions are always welcome.

30/03/02 - Opinion Poll Results Just In - Molloy

Not a bad result but it's still rather disconcerting that 44% of you people turn to TA for gratification. The correct answer was of course Tits and Ass you silly twits!

TA (44) 44%
T&A (55) 56%

The news has been archived and I added a load of Annihilarity stuff I did recently to the visuals section. More funny quotes, irc conversations and stupidity is desperately needed for the words section. Please send everything you can :).

23/03/02 - Cardiac Trauma Plauges TA Community - Okram

"It is confirmed, we have had over 30 cases of cardiac failures within the last 24 hours" an UberCrack Shack Physician anounced earlier today, "This Phenomenon is currently being evaluated, but it is indeed quite a startle."

Yet some sources believe the cause of all the heart traumas is pretty simple. "Well not to long ago, the TA community had recieved word of TA 2 being made, although many hoaxes of such have been made, this has been the most promising," an UberCrack Shack Psychiatric Expert told us. "As more and more confrimations came in, suddenly people realized that this is in fact, a genuine statement, TA 2 is going to happen! Unfortanetly, some of the more elderly members of the community, as well as those with weak hearts just couldn't take it, and soon found themselves in a hospital."

The TA community is known for it's weak cardial muscles, recently GBL actually releasing it's new cersion of GBL caused a large amount of Cardiac Arrests in the online community, and shocking news of this size is likely to do the same. Doctors suggest that next time, it would be best for all to remain calm the next time any big news of this magnitude is recieved.

14/03/02 - We've got to atop them, they're gonna kill us all! - Okram

Over the last couple of days, I have come across a, unique web page. Although this probably goes under one of Molloy's Bi-Weekly links, I'll put it up here. The web site has simple enough goals, killing every human being on the planet, one country at a time, from the smallest up to the largest. I've contributed a little bit to this, and maybe you can too.

13/03/02 - UberCrack Shack News Reporter goes missing, nobody notices - Okram

Yes, it is all too true, the last couple days I, Okram, your beloved Ubercrack Shack News Reporter has gone missing. But I thought that perhaps when I came back, I'd have to face the public histeria that would ensue when people lost their daily dose of UberCrack. Sadly, it seems I was disapointed, and nobody even complained in the forums. Oh well, shows how much I'm loved. Anyway, back on with the show!

8/03/02 - GBL "dot 7" comes out, GBL regulars suffer cardiac arrest - Okram

In a shocking turn of events, the GBL staff has decided to go ahead an release GBL 2.3.7. As we covered earlier, the GBL staff where going to delay the release due to them needing a few months to think about what they are going to think about. However in a recent turn of events, Cire, head GBL programer has decided to go ahead and release 2.3.7 ahead of schedule, in fact litterally out of the blue.

"This is just sick!" commented CBB_Starscream, after commenting from a recent heart trama, "Cire is trying to kill us all with this, when I first saw it on the news page I thought it was a practical joke, but then I clicked to download it and my heart started to beat real fast. After I downloaded it, and it was actually an install file instead of a virus or something, my heart rate jumped again. But then, after I installed it, and found it actually worked... My heart took off, than I passed out, and woke up in an emergency room bed."

Recently, the GBL staff has been pressured into adding a dislcamer to the download section of their site, however Cire was unable to comment about wether or not they will procede with the disclamer, many believe it was just an isolated case.

07/03/02 - Izzys real name removed - Molloy

Izzy> Molloy: Remove my name from your webpage.
Izzy> Molloy: It still shows up in search engines, which annoys me.
BLITZ_Molloy> he he he he
Izzy> It shows up instead of my homepage.
BLITZ_Molloy> lol
*** renrutal has joined #tauniverse
*** Quietus has joined #tauniverse
*** RightField has quit IRC (Quit: Looking at tits is like looking at the sun, you shouldn't stare it's dangerous!)
DarkYouth> From: "**** "Izzy" *****" | Block Address | Add to Address Book
DarkYouth> To: jamesmolloy007@yahoo.com
DarkYouth> Subject: You son of a bitch!
*** JJ has joined #tauniverse
LL|buzy> heh
BLITZ_Molloy>ha ha ha
DEW_blue22> gotta go, cyas
*** DEW_blue22 has quit IRC (Quit: 019) I havent taken a bath in years)
BLITZ_Molloy> Does that really come up?
BLITZ_Molloy> he he he
BLITZ_Molloy> thats priceless
LL|buzy> I don't use old guys
DarkYouth> No, its you being a prick Molloy :)
BLITZ_Molloy> thats me
DarkYouth> Indeed.
BLITZ_Molloy> what search did you do to get that?

05/04/02 - Annihilated contemplates name change, Annihilated just doesn't sound funny enough - Okram

After several recent articles, many members of the Annihilated forums believe perhaps, their name doesn't sound funny enough. After turning their news focus from important TA community news into a one stop joke page, many contemplate that 'Annihilated' just doesn't sound funny enough. Gondy, one of Annihilated's leading joke news reporters commented, "Sure Annihilated sounds cool and all, but it doesn't have that kind of ring, you know? We're looking for something as cool as UberCrack Shack, now that's a name for a TA joke site!"

As of late, no good names have been proposed, but the possibility still looms.

05/03/02 - Every Unit Ever Made Pack - Okram

After news of the "TA Units Compilation" pack coming out, and hearing it was made by a Yank, enraged Sweedish Yankspankers have decided they can do better, and taking advantage of the new thousand unit limit patch released, they will take on the awesome effort of compiling every unit and building ever made for TA, making them all conflict free, and releasing it to the public. SY_Yeha commented, "You yanks always have to go around making your things better, don't you? We really didn't want to have to do this giant feat, however since you had to go and say you are better than us, we are left with no choice." When asked what their future plans where, the SY commented that they will be making an RTS better than TA, as well as outdoing Gas Powered Games with plans of a "very cool" RPG.

04/03/02 - Total Annihilation is of the devil! - Okram

Chirstian Advocates from around the world have recently met in a worldwide meeting to declare their belief that all video games, computer games, role playing games, board games, movies, television shows, radio shows, books, or anything at all is Satanic. Among their list of "Everything Ever Made by Man" includes computer games that many of us love, including: Total Annihilation, and Dungion Seige. When asked to comment, their leaders refused saying, "We believe that media falls under "Everything Ever Made by Man", so therefore, we will not talk to such satan worshipers as yourself."

04/03/02 - Fox Fired For "Thinking Different" - Molloy

Fox, 27, a news poster and editorial columnist at Annihilated headquarters in Illinois, was fired Monday for "thinking a little too different."

Annihilated spokespersons said the firing was necessary because Fox "consistently failed to adhere to the normal standards of conduct and daily routines expected of employees of Annihilated Entertainment."

Among the floutings of convention cited in Fox's Annihilated employee file: developing a pulley system to store his mountain bike above his workstation, stating that PeterC wasn't so bad after all, and taking barefoot walks around the Annihilated campus to "feel more connected to the creative energy of others."

"It's okay to think outside the box," said Gecko, Annihilated senior vice-president of software engineering. "In fact, we very much encourage that sort of thing here at Annihilated. But in Fox's case, he went just a bit too far."

03/03/02 - GBL Update Date Updated - Okram

In a continuing story, GBL staff have released another update, of the date they will release their update. As many have been constantly waiting for the infamouse GBL 2.3.7. When asked to comment, Cire, GBL's head programer, simply replied, "Well... we're not sure when we'll release it. We have everything done and all, but we're thinking of maybe adding a few things, or removing some, or just leaving it the same. We'll probably take a few more months to finally decide and implement our decision."

In a related story, PW had decided to adopt a similar strategy to that of GBL, which seems to have brought GBL much success over the recent months. And too have extended their date of update, so they can ponder when they will ponder.

02/03/02 - All Hell Breaks Loose - Okram

In a recent turn of events, the TAUBB has been taken over by the spammies. After a quick and decisive attack, all moderators of major forums where systematically deleted by an unknown intruder. Spam quickly began to start overflowing in all directions. AMRAAM, moderator of several forums, and one of the major forums commented, "All hell is breaking loose, we have suggested to all that they might want to consider evacuating the area, as flames are nearing nuclear scale."

However, the day long overthrow was short lived. Screamer, commander in cheif of UBB security quickly repelled the rebellion by re-issuing moderate grade weapons to those who where formally stripped of their ability to maintain peace. Which began a mass exodus for the spammers to return to the Infrogrames Forums.

02/03/02 - Polls n' Petitions - Molloy

Update: Okram has kindly agreed to start reporting news for UCS so you can be up to date on the latest happenings in the TA community. It's great to have him on the team so now you'll have a reason to check back more often.

Lets be honest, nobody really cares about the source code petition. Sure its been on Slashdot and every one and his mother has posted a link on his website but how much good can a bit of programming really do for the TA community?

But don't worry because now there's a much more noble cause where you can make a difference - "The Bye Bye To PeterC Petition". We've only got 63 signatures so far but that numbers ready to shoot up. One last big push is needed to get into triple figures.

LOL @ Tyrosine :) - "Adios, perrita sucia!"

08/02/02 - These quotes are the real deal - Molloy

Words has been updated with my own very special publication, TA For Dummies, Fred: Chapter III and a discussion from TADRS. Rightfield kindly submitted several pieces for use in Visuals. I can't find enough proper quotes so I said to hell with it. I'll just make up some of my own:

"I'd let my wife, children and animals starve before I'd subject myself to something like that again."
Bill Bantam on working with Molloy.

"This arrogant, sour, ceremonial, piously, chauvinistic egomaniac."
ATRCaptainKirk lists Gondi's good points.

"There seems to be a malevolence in him, a determination to make other human beings unhappy."
Screamer singing the praises of BSR.

"An over-fat, flatulent old windbag. A master of inconsequence masquerading as a guru, passing off his vast limitations as pious virtues."
LordBeek on PeterC

"A perfect prick"
ewok on TAUniverse co-staff member Molloy

15/01/02 - UberCrack V2.0

Welcome to the new version of the website. I hope you like the cleaner look. I redid the images, changed the menu bar, archived the old news and went back through every one of the old HTML pages improving the formatting and coming up with a consistant layout. Phew! My attempts at making a decent poll were a failure. I might see if I can get someone to help me set one up because I had'nt a clue what to do with chmod 667 or whatever the hell that stuff is :).

Notice the feedback link on the right? Please use it. Collecting quotes is a slow process. I will have enough for another page soon but I'm still about 5 short. Anything else you might find would be useful too. I was thinking I must go find all the "Department Of WTF" posts because their very amusing.

13/01/02 - Forums back online

Blimey! Getting input off you people is like trying to get blood out of a turnip! One hundred hits and one e-mail. A very strange e-mail from some guy in Zimbabwe asking me for assistance in investments outside Africa. The fact I'm only 18 and don't have quite the extensive knowlege of the markets I should would have put him off I'd thought. Well, would you trust me with your money? Of course not.

Our forums are back online now. You can access them on the right menu bar. Okram submitted a pretty funny link about World Domination. It's full of all those wonderful Restaurant At The End Of The Galaxy quotes:

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them to be in. However not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination."

11/01/02 - Website Changes

I've added a few bits and bobs today, added some CSS and coloured scrollbars and read more thoughtful e-mails. Seriously though I'm unsure what I should start doing to improve the site. I'd like to get a bit more input from the visitors. A poll would be good I suppose but I'm unsure wheres a good place to get one, or maybe someone could tell me how to make one myself. If anybody has a clue e-mail me with the details.

P.S. I fixed the Zone Philosophy link when I noticed it this morning. Go check it out because it's wonderful.

09/01/02 - Sadly the Playboy Bunnies are no more

I've recovered my new ftp login and password so now seems as good a time as any to update you with the latest TA tomfoolery. I've added several Christmas themed jokes and comics I'd missed before I went on holidays not to mention a episode of Annihilarity. For the first time in ages we also have some TA comics with contributions from Izzy, ATRCaptainKirk and the Gnugs.

I've just got a new job as TAU newsposter and am delighted with the warm welcome I've recieved. TAUniverse news has really taken off again - there were easily 20 items on the page yesterday mostly thanks to Ktulus slightly over zealos posting . I'm thinking about making a few additions to this site... I saw this really cool chat type interface on the Duke site that I think would work really well here. I must go talk to the webmaster and find out how it works. Expect to see a few other improvemts too. Notice now we don't have advertisements! How long this will last I don't know but maybe ewok will decide we can do without Playboy Casino Banners like the one below:

Archived News





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