The Ultimate Newbie Guide
Some of us need all the help we can get. Thanks Peter.

The Screamer Tribute Song
What can we say, we miss you man. Come back a little once you've sorted out whatever it is you had to sort out! :)

Quotes VI
Someone dug up this old thread in the Ubercrack forum; all the best movie quotes, TA style.

Model Krogoth
He takes too long to build, costs too much, gets cut to pieces by pretty much everything and *blink*.. OoOoOo... shiny. I beg your pardon - my newbie genes kicked in there for a moment.

Never Underestimate...
Here's one of the Yarddogs' favorites. I believe Paradox said something about it's having been written by UniqueCrash5. For some reason, I always think of Yarddog UC5 when I come here to UCS. -- AMRAAM

Quotes V: This Time It's Personal
Lots of deth bashing, insights into TGos' sex life, what renrutal would do with a million dollars and much, much more.

Peewee/AK Poetry
I'm very interested in Pyro Zlug's concepts of subjectivity and truth and particularly the notion that genuine choice is made out of doubt and uncertainty, and without recourse to the the experince or advice of others.

Cavedog's Tombstone
Heh.. excellent UH forum material. Can anybody say 'tweak some more'? This is a TAU thread asking for suggestions on a tombstone for Cavedog. GT Interactive announced the closing of their Cavedog Studio on February 11, 2000.

Jeffy Recall
A lot of what appeared on the BY NNN reports amounted to little more than lists of players, clans and planets in contention. Other reports were serious, if fictitious. Some, however, were as insane as anything ever to appear in a one-word endless story. Here's one of my favorites (by Paradox, I believe) -- AMRAAM

Gorillaz: Chris Taylor
It's a parody of the Clint Eastwood song. Mostly written by Kamikaze and the chorus by myself :). Please send in your requests for 'More music to play TA by'. Hell, send in your own if you like. Just make a pop music everything knows not some obscure b-side of an arthouse Romanian rap group :P.

DM Spam Topic From TA:K Creators
Here's a spam thread from the guys who brought us TA:Kingdoms, from that forum. As you may recall, Cavedog employees all had little bones by their names as opposed to the Core (topic start) and Arm (reply) symbols that the rest of us got. This page with its astronomical bone density was a real eye-catcher -- AMRAAM

The Ravin'
And to think that half the jokes there will go right over anyone's head who hasn't been following the UH forum for roughly the past 3 years.. it grew a subculture of its own. Pretty amusing to watch esp if you didn't believe that UH was the best thing since sliced bread.. :) -- Screamer.

Multiplayer Online Session
Here's one of my favorites, from the Amen forum. It doesn't make sense unless you know that the Cavedog filter turned "sex" into "multiplayer online session." -- AMRAAM.

Rock AK
When your feeling down, your l337 skills are lacking and you just can't get that farking SY weapons ID patch to work in multiplayer after 4 reinstalls you'd be surprised what a good old fasioned 'boogy' can do for ones self esteem. This ones dedicated to The Really Big Wargame!

Private Forum
If you have problems don't attempt to contact TAU technical support. We've got someone with far more experience in TAUBB coding than Screamer.

Quotes IV
It was a hell of a long time coming but another page of quotes is finally here. If you find anymore please send them in as their always welcome.

The Amino Acid List
I'd been curious what this was but nobody could explain it until AMRAAM posted the full list on the Infogrames boards. She couldn't explain it either, but at least now I know who's on which side.

Marxist Utopia
Stop looking at me like that... no, I wasn't drunk, I was just feeling philosophical thats all.

Something Stupid
I don't know if it's the coming Spring that has warmed by bitter, cynical heart with romantic thoughts or just too much UberCrack making me soft in the head. This little numbers called "Something Stupid."

TA for Dummies: Preschool Edition
Having been asked the same stupid questions over and over on message boards I decided to write the definitive guide to Total Annihilation. But due to my lack of ambition and generally poor work ethic I got bored half way through and failed to secure a publisher.

Girl Of The Year
Some people say the best way to become a big name in modeling is making the front cover of Vogue, or Cosmopolitan but I say earnining Enemy-One's coveted 'Girl Of The Year' award is the only way.

Fred: Chapter III
The final chapter of Fred's epic story. Congrats to TCC for writing these stories because they were true classics. All together now, "YOOOOOUUUUU IIIIISSSSSS BAAAADDDD!!!!"

Storms Psycology Notebook
I'm not sure how many of these analyses Storm has written but this one involves Killfrenzy's inner psyche. It does'nt offer solutions to his problems but I'm sure Storm would never criticise constructively.

Secret TAU Control Panel
I'm probably not meant to tell you about this but when you become staff on TAU you get access to a very special page. Today I'm going to show you that page, but only because you asked me nicely. Thanks to old buddy Bill Bantam for creating this and Izzy too for leaving it on his ftp.

A Likely Story
This was just a little conversation in a Zone chatroom after a failed game launch that I found amusing.

Fred: Chapter 2
Fred is back, freshly repatterned and ready for action. This time we hear about his dealings with minefields and Kryptor: the nasty ill tempered ARM super-kbot.

Fred: Chapter I
I've always been a huge fan of these stories. What the lovable, huggable Krogoth lacks in skill and intelligence he makes up for in spirit. I think thats a beautiful message that means even someone with my illiteracy (sp?) can make a website and be a success (sp?).

Compunut's Ambitious Project
He's nearing the completion of his ambitious project sometime this summer so I think this is the perfect time sift through the possible implications of porting TA to Macs... What? Macs already have Total Annihilation? You can play TA on Windows NT? Well I never!

A Prayer
I think these days we're becoming more influenced by consumerism, sex and degredation. What has happened to our spirituality? Oh holy Core masters, who art in Central Consciousness, hallowed be thy mainframe. Say it with me brothers and sisters of the congregation: I BBEEEELLLLIVVVEEE!

Timpie and Igor: Opposing Farce
Now, this stuff is a bit odd so please bear with me here. It's about Timepie the time traveling pastry and his sidekick Igor. It's a messageboard story whereby each person contributes a couple of sentences and theres very little, if any structure to the whole thing. Check out DEW and BLITZ VBB for more info. DEW_Metalikat offers free VBB to all those who ask and changes all the colours and graphics to match your website: I strongly recommend them!

The TA Night Before Christmas
I'm still clearing out alot of the Christmas junk I've collected over the past week. I was on holiday so I missed quite a bit. Now heres an excellent parody by Ktulu that brought a smile to my face.

Happy Gnugmas
Heres a little piece I found written by Gecko (?) or at least found in his Annihilated webspace. Those Gnugs need a stern talking too for all the Z's they've ben grabbing over the past few weeks and I'm glad Gecko had the guts to expose their lazy idleness.

Update on the UberCrack Scene
There have been shocking events taking place in the UberCrack community in recent weeks that are going to affect you, the consumer- so you can expect wild fluctuations in the price of crack in the coming weeks until the balance of power has righted itself.

It Was A Regular Night
I found this on an old TA site called Lag Annihilated. It's from an ancient copy of UK PC Gamer - absolutely priceless.

The original ATCC
Should I use my d-gun to weed the garden and how do you get those itty bitty pieces of Peewee from destroying your Goliath tracks? All these questions answered and more in Ask The Core Commander.

Yank Spanking
Wardruid makes an ass of himself and he isn't even playing Total Annihilation this time.

Pimp, Pimp!
Theres only one thing unit designers like more than making their units and thats pimping their units =P.

Cultured and sophisticated debate
TAUBB is surely a culturally rich and intellectually stimulating debating forum. Here is another example of our boards finest.

TA Drunkeness.
What should our attitudes be towards this growing problem within our community? Should gamers be allowed to continue playing under the influence and typing in chatrooms when plastered?

A letter of complaint
Sadistic Sid writes cool letters :). I especially like the opening.

Uranium235 Maintaining his DRUHg monopoly
This message paid for by the 'Family' of Uraniun235 and his UberCrak turf.

Fox's Guide to being L337- In 3 easy steps
Th1s 1z f0x3s gu1d3 +0 b31/\/g l337 - sw337 huh?

Oh no! More quotes!
Five is really sorry about the "Zip drive incident". Now, let us never speak of it again.

More Intelli-strats(c)
I felt compelled to bring you these words of wisdom from the TAU Strategy & Tactics section. Read them carefully for such skill and excellence is something we could all learn from.

More Quotes
This contains all of Peters best hits in one great collectors edition box set. All your old favorites "The British never opressed anyone" and "I've never lost an argument here" in one amazing spackage. But it's not available in the shops. Order now for the bargan price of £59.99 and we'll deliver the PeterC collection right to your door.

Intelli-strats (c)
I decided yesterday that there are too many good strategies on the TAUBB board and if there was a crash they'd be lost forever. Want to know how to build a fast Krogoth or why Dragons Teeth are better than Berthas? Your in luck because It's all right here!

Quotes
What does JoeB think about the most popular discussion board on the net? What are desert Penguins opinions on sex in Total Annihilation? Does Aslan watch waaay too much Star Trek? Definately.

The Peewee Rapping Gasta
This one goes out to all the niggaz from Inglewood.. I mean Sherwood who ran into an Immolator, man. Turn up my symphony and drop the beat cos I'm gonna' smote some AK's tonight -- by Rhadamanthus.

Zone Philosophy- Thats deep, man
Ok- this is the first example of utter stupidity on this website and there'll be plenty more to come! Can you walk North to reach the South pole? I don't know. Who am I to say that North or South exist?